When Mother’s Day is hard!
A few weeks ago, I got an email from a company that I’ve bought stuff from in the past and therefore am on their mailing list. The email stated that Mother’s Day was coming up and they know this can be a sensitive time for many and they wanted to acknowledge that. They also wanted to share they would be sending out emails related to this holiday in the weeks to come but if I would like to opt out of those emails, I could simply click a link and they would not send those. I LOVED this email. I am thankful that people/companies are beginning to recognize that this day is hard for many, and also taking accountability in that their advertising material may be hurtful to some.
Mother’s Day is presented as a happy, joyful day to celebrate moms. But for many this is a day that may stir up lots of hard emotions, whether it’s from a loss {of a child or a mother/mother figure}, or a strained relationship, this day can be complicated for many. If this is your reality, my hope for you is that you know that you are not alone! This Mother’s Day may elicit big emotions for you, and that is okay but I also wanted to share some ways to take care of yourself if it is a hard day for you.
Make a Plan
Know in advance how you are going to spend the day (or weekend), knowing it’s going to be a hard day you can be intention to make yourself a priority. You know yourself the best so set yourself up for success. Maybe that means that you need to surround yourself with safe people, or maybe it means that you need to be alone doing something you enjoy. Also try to identify those things that may be hurtful and try to avoid those things on this day, This likely will include setting some boundaries (see below)
Find something joyful
Try to fill your day with at least one thing that brings you joy. This might be a warm cup of coffee/tea in the morning, or going for a walk, or cuddling up with a good book. Make a list of things that bring you joy and try to add those into your day.
Let Yourself Feel
Emotions are neither good or bad, they just help us realize what we are feeling. I would encourage you to give yourself time to grieve. If Mother’s Day is hard for you, it’s likely because of a loss of some sort, and it’s okay to grieve that loss. If you have a strained relationship with your mom/mom figure, give yourself space to grieve the lack of that relationship. Maybe this is the first (or fifteenth) year since your mom passed away and this day brings up that wound for you. Maybe you have longed to become a mother yourself and life circumstances haven’t allowed that to be a part of your story. Or maybe you are a mom and your child is no longer in your life. In all of these scenarios, there is a loss and it’s okay to grieve those things, and it’s totally normal to feel sad, or angry, or frustrated. Let yourself feel whatever emotions you need to feel!
Set Boundaries
If Mother’s Day is hard for you, you might need to set some boundaries for yourself. That might include not being on social media for the day, not communicating with people who have hurt you in the past, or not attending events that will bring up those hard memories. It’s okay to say no to things, give yourself permission to be safe on this day!
Ask for Support
Know that you don’t have to do this alone. You will hear me say this again and again, you do not have to navigate hard things alone! Find those safe people in your life and let them know how you are feeling about the day, and ask for help when you need to. If you don’t have safe people in your life, seek those out! If you are not in therapy, maybe this is a great time to think about stepping into that and beginning your healing journey so that hopefully a year from now the sting of Mother’s Day can be just a little less than it is now. If that is where you are at, I’d love to chat with you! You can schedule a free consultation here.
